Where the Journey Begins

I was a missionary. Well, technically, I was a Campus Missionary In Training. I led discipleship groups and mentored college students individually. I was reading a book every week, was being mentored by a full-fledged missionary, and took theology classes. With all of this said, you would think that I had it all together, right? Yet, I looked at this girl as we sat in the campus chapel admitting that I did not know the answers to her questions about God and the Bible. My already nervous and self-deprecating heart melted. I grew up in church and truly loved the Lord. My salvation at that point was not in question. It was in that moment, though, that I realized that I truly lacked wisdom.

I had already been spiraling in my negative thinking that year. I never felt like I measured up. I wasn’t being the confident, knowledgable, and popular missionary that I thought that I should be. Constantly, I worried over what I wasn’t. I never felt like I could measure up to the heroes that I destined myself to be. I felt crushed under the weight that I piled on top of my own head. I had decided to change my tune, to smile, to work harder. In the time that I was supposed to be meeting people on campus to share the Gospel with them, I found myself alone in the chapel asking God what my journey was supposed to be. Why can’t I be like my fellow intern who had a growing small group full of girls who wanted to be around her all of the time? Why is it that I feel so unseen and insignificant? I decided that I needed to have grace with myself, and try harder to meet students. Then, she walked in. It took all of the courage that I could muster to approach her, but I convinced myself that God would insert words into my mouth and take care of everything if I would just say “hi”. That encounter did not go as planned. The more she talked, the more I floundered. I told her what I did know, and I encouraged her to continue reading the Bible. Though this moment felt shameful to me, it did change my life. I realized that I lacked wisdom, and that I needed to break everything that I thought I knew down into chewable bites. I needed to start asking God some questions.

^“If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.” James 1:5

Did you know that you can take God’s Word seriously? When Scripture says that we can ask our generous God for wisdom, we can! He isn’t going to tell me how I should already know that. He isn’t going to tell me how silly my question is. He isn’t going to laugh, shove me away, ignore me, or ridicule me. What I have found is that questions take humility to ask. When God sees you swallow some pride to ask Him a question, especially if it is one of wanting to understand Himself more, He is overcome with love. He is generous! He promises that if you need wisdom, He WILL give it to you.

But when you ask him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind. Such people should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Their loyalty is divided between God and the world, and they are unstable in everything they do.

There is one condition to your question. Place your faith in God alone. To be honest, on that day, I was very unstable. I wanted to place all of my faith and loyalty in God alone, but in reality, I depended very heavily on what others thought of me. My loyalty to the opinions of others often trumped my loyalty to God. That is why I spiraled so out of control in my mind.

God doesn’t necessarily give you a full answer in the moment that you ask your question, though. When I humbled myself enough to ask God what I felt like were elementary questions about the meaning of salvation, the Lord set me on a journey of discovery. It has been about 7 years now, and I realized how much of those questions He has been answering. He didn’t just tell me one time in prayer, through my journey of obedience, surrender, and study, He has opened my eyes to simple truths that alluded me before. I found that if I would have the bravery and humility to ask a question, I would find myself on an incredible journey in life.

This blog is being established because I am excited about the things that God is teaching me, and I feel compelled to share with whomever will listen. The truth is that I have always dreamed of writing, and I gave up that dream because I felt incompetent and because, with the internet, everybody became writers. Dad has been begging me to pick up writing for years, and I shared with him that I felt a calling to write. Of course, He encouraged me to hold myself responsible for the messages that God has given me, and gave me an avenue through his own blog.

If I can be consistent in writing and if there is enough interest proven through subscriptions, likes, and comments, I will strike out on my own. I plan to post every Thursday focusing on the story of the Gospel.

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