I Am A Control Freak

My kids are entering into the questions phase, but it isn’t questions about life. They want to know what I’m doing at all times. 

“What are you doing? Making dinner? What are you making? I DON’T WANT THAT!”

My son is known in our family as the great negotiator. “What are you making to eat? Ummmmm how about a sandwich? That’s sounds good.”

I’ve been keeping two girls along with my two. The oldest is in first grade, and her tendency is to tell me that she wants something, spy on me to see if I’m doing it, and send her little sister to remind me if I haven’t yet granted her request. I have to keep reminding her that she can trust me to show her just as much care as I do the other little ones.

EVERY TIME that I step into the bathroom, the “mine” wars begin. Parents, you know. This is when all the kids start screaming the word “mine” back and forth. There are only a few things that drive me as nuts as the “mine” wars. My response is to walk out calling all attention in a likely terrifying manner only to declare that the item in question is actually mine. I repeat that I am willing to share what’s mine if it is used in a sweet manner, and if it isn’t, then I’ll just take it away.

This controlling nature isn’t just in kids, though. I have led university mission trips where students asked me constantly what was happening next. “I’m just a control freak,” they say. “I have to know what’s going on.” I have ridden with people on long road trips who wouldn’t share the driving responsibility even when they were exhausted because they were admitted control freaks who couldn’t put their lives in other people’s hands. 

Control freaks. People will declare that they are control freaks as if they are especially set apart in some way, but I think it is a problem that all of humanity struggles with on some level.

I get it. I really do. I tend to get my craziest, emotional, headache plagued self when everything in life seems to be spinning out of my control. “This isn’t how it’s supposed to be”, I mourn. I ask myself what I did wrong as if everything in life hinges on my own actions.

Control freaks. What does the Bible say about this? I am finding out that the Bible actually has a TON to say about this. In fact, I think eternity hinges on it. 

Remain in me, and I will remain in you. 

John 15:4a

What does it mean when Jesus says to “remain” in Him? This is a good place where we insert our typical go-to answers like going to church, reading our Bibles, and praying. We rush through the rest of the verse thinking that we do all of these things, much in the same attitude as the rich young ruler. Check, check, check, what else, God? Oh! Benefits! Yea! Though, we could likely discuss our actual faithfulness in doing all of those things, I believe that stopping there would be missing the point. 

Remain. What does it really mean to remain or abide as some translations read? In looking up the definition of these words, Jesus is telling us to continue on in the same attitude as when we started. What did we start?

Jesus is talking to His disciples after His resurrection from death and before His ascension into Heaven. This is part of His farewell speech to those who have walked with Him closely, some of which I wrote about in last week’s post. These disciples, years before, were asked by Jesus to abandon their lives in order to follow Him. They left their jobs, financial stability, families, and familiarity to follow Jesus. They abandoned everything they knew. They surrendered everything that they had. Jesus was now looking at them telling them to continue on in an attitude of abandon and surrender.

⁴ Remain in me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me.
⁵ “Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing.

John 15:4-5

A branch cannot survive on it’s own. It can’t pull itself up by sheer will and determination. It can’t produce fruit by thinking hard enough or trying hard enough. A branch cannot be successful through blood, sweat, and tears. A branch can only produce fruit if it is connected to the vine. The branch’s very life is dependent upon it’s connection to the vine. The branch is completely surrendered and dependent. When we first decide to give our lives to Jesus, we are doing WAY more than saying a little prayer that buys us a ticket into paradise. We are confessing our need for a Savior, and declaring surrender and dependence. We are telling the Creator God that we are going to let Him make all of the rules and decisions for our lives from now on. We are abandoning our way of living life and rule-making in order rely in obedience to the Lord. In order to receive life from the Lord as well as produce any kind of fruit, we have to continue on in that attitude of surrender. To remain in Jesus means to daily surrender, abandon, and depend. Regardless of our realizing it, we truly cannot do or be anything without it being covered under His authority.

I have been reading through Kings in the Bible lately, and I grieve when I read the violence and destruction that came from people trying to be independent from the Lord. From time to time, there was a king that would rise up in either Israel or Judah who “did what was right in the eyes of the Lord”. These kings would destroy major pagan temples and priests, or valiantly overcome their oppressors. Towards the end of the description of their reign, a statement is usually made as if the Lord sighed in mourning every time. They did all of the big noticeable things that they felt was enough to be considered obedient, yet in the small hidden places, the Asherah poles and high places for incense and sacrifice to pagan gods were left untouched. The less obvious things were left unsurrendered. The people still secretly worshiped images of their own likeness. It was these undevoted areas that caused continued destruction in these nations.

When I read this, I can’t help but ask Jesus, “I have surrendered the big things. I work hard to live a Godly life. I am faithful to church as well as to serve it. I teach my kids the ways of God. I try to be faithful in independent study of the Bible and to prayer. I do all the things that people see and notice. But God… Where are those hidden places in my life that are left undevoted? Is there something that I value more than you, assuming that you won’t notice or care? Is there something that just means too much to me to surrender? Is there any corner in my life where I am still trying to be the boss and be in control?”

Feel free to comment with your thoughts or with how you would answer this question. You are also welcome to send me a private message. We’ll continue on in this study of The Vine and the Branches found in John 15 next week. Until then, please SUBSCRIBE, COMMENT, AND SHARE.

Photo by Brooke Lark on Unsplash